Let's put it in Jane Austen's terms: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in
possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. However,
despite his want for one woman,
there will always be another woman."
Well, I edited that a bit.
Watching The Bachelor (don't judge), the reality is that
women will always compete for
the undivided attention of a man. And, even if we somehow
trump the others and win this man's
affection, he will still (perhaps inadvertently)
dole out attention to others. For instance,
Irwin Shaw writes about a transaction
between a husband and a jealous
wife in "The Girls in Their Summer Dresses." The husband tells his
wife, "I love you, but I also want them. Okay."
The wife, wishing to justify herself, retorts,
"I'm pretty too." And we are pretty. But so are a lot of women.
And we woman-- we're jealous creatures, no?
When we feel unwanted or passed on,
we seethe, we insult.
It's tiring.
But it's the nature of relationships I suppose.
Man pitted against woman.
Woman pitted against other woman. It's an eternal boxing match.
A battlefield. Or something.
Pat Benatar was on to something there.
So much for Jane Austen.
Clearly, 80s music contains more wisdom about relationships.
type o- woman=women.
ReplyDeleteAs a married man, I can honestly say that I look at other women. Any honest husband will admit this, but few do.
ReplyDeleteUndivided attention from a man is an impossible goal for a woman. The goal should be undivided love. No matter who I give attention to, no woman can compare to my wife. She is on a different plane than other women. Comparison is inconceivable.
Audience: "But you're married, so it's different." (Yes, I can hear your thoughts.)
I just wanted to be clear on what the goal should be. Yes, it is different in the dating world. I did that too.
Women are only pitted against other women because they choose to be. If a woman finds her weaknesses and compares them to another woman, she will always come up short. If a woman focuses on her own strengths, she will find a man who enjoys those strengths. The weaknesses will no longer be an issue. If a woman finds that a man is unsatisfied with her weaknesses, then she needs to keep looking for a man who will appreciate her strengths.
It isn't woman vs other women-- it is woman vs herself. If she always finds herself to be inadequate, men will share in that opinion.
No, self-improvement is not a bad thing, but if a woman needs to change herself, it should be her moving toward who she really is, not who she thinks will satisfy the requirements of a mate.
Not every man is looking for such a woman. Those who aren't are probably struggling with their own feelings of inadequacy. They need their women to strive for perfection, because who they are with determines their own self-worth. The kind of man that a woman should be seeking is a man who is himself seeking after a woman who knows herself, is herself, and loves it. When he sees that woman, the others fade into the background.
"The kind of man that a woman should be seeking is a man who is himself seeking after a woman who knows herself, is herself, and loves it. When he sees that woman, the others fade into the background."
ReplyDeleteGood stuff : )
I would agree with Jimmy. Women always think it's girl-on-girl competition (I did that on purpose).
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I'd add is that women (and men as well) need to have a proper understanding of how God sees them. I believe that someone that understands this well will be and feel adequate, because they aren't seeking approval from others or themselves (as Jimmy said, it's this one that is the root cause). But that's easier said than done.
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ReplyDelete"The goal should be undivided love. No matter who I give attention to, no woman can compare to my wife. She is on a different plane than other women. Comparison is inconceivable."
ReplyDeleteThis comment made me smile when i read it When i first read Jimmy's comment i didn't realize it was from him and I thought "wow, such love" (Jimmy sent it to me through messenger and i didn't know it was his writing at first). When i did figure out that Jimmy was the writer and that passage (along with others) was about ME I was floored...
I am blown away consistently by the wisdom of my husband. I am thankful for him. I agree with what he wrote. I would only add that jealous comes (primarily) from insecurity. As such it is not something I ever want to feel or encourage in myself. My trust and understanding of my husband reaches beyond the possessiveness that jealousy brings. And i wouldn't have it any other way.
-EmilyG.
P.s.
I also agree with Steven that a big part of seeing yourself correctly comes from seeing with "God's eyes". Knowing God's love for us and the incredible value He has for us is vital in reaching the goal of self-understanding and acceptance.