Companionship

In light of Valentine’s Day, it is impossible for me to not think about love and what love really looks like. I was reading an email from my best friend and her now husband that they sent me awhile back. In that email he said to her: “Obviously there is a lot more to know about each other so I don't want to throw you up on some pedestal as if you are perfect. I know that you’re not perfect, and I don't want you to think that I see you as perfect. (We all have our imperfections and we worry that if someone knew about them that it would blow their perception of us). I think that it is our imperfections that we are most drawn to because if makes us comfortable to be around other people who have failed. But I am encouraged when I meet women that I can respect and think highly of. I want that to be encouraging to you.” Obviously this was an encouragement to her, but it was also an encouragement to me. You see, I think to some level we all want to be seen by another person as perfect and having it all put together, but we fail to realize the depth and healing that can come from knowing that a person loves you in spite of those flaws, failures, and shortcomings. I feel like I can breathe easy knowing that there is a person out there who can still respect and value me in spite of my flaws (clarification: it is also important to have a person who challenges me to improve, but not someone who leaves the second that I make a mistake or fail in some sort of way).

George Eliot “Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”

Companionship is rare. Friends may be abundant, but companions aren’t. I think that this is one of the reasons that many of us find ourselves lonely. Perhaps this is also why many marriages don’t work, because before they were married they hadn’t asked themselves an important question like: “can this person forever be my companion or is this person just someone hot that I can look at?” Which leads to even more questions: Am I honest about who I am with this person? Do they know the real, authentic me or do I put on a show to be something I’m not, in order to make them happy? Are they encouraging to me in spite of my weaknesses? Do we share similar interests? One day, I want to look at the man that I marry and say: he is my best friend. He doesn’t need me to be something I'm not. I can be transparent as I want and not worry about him losing interest or whatever. I am a paradox in many ways, most people view me as the extroverted life of the party, few people know the real me because they don't take the time, or maybe it’s me not taking the time, to get to know them. But, for some reason, I hold out hope that I will meet a man that finds the real me, worth getting to know (and I already know some men like this), sees my flaws as a part of who I am and is willing to stick around, knowing that I condemn myself for those flaws and he in some way can encourage me to embrace them. But more than I want a man who will do that, I pray that I am that very same thing to him. A woman that sees a man entirely for what he is, good, bad, ugly, and glamorous, embraces his strengths, accepts his weaknesses, and encourages him to be a better version of who he already is.

Companionship is high on my list of virtues. There is nothing more that I love than sharing my *real* thoughts and life with another individual. I'm not the most exciting person to spend a day with and yet sometimes I’m a little too happy and energetic, but somehow I think that my future "companion" won’t care. Here’s to hoping that you also find someone like this and here’s to hoping that if you haven’t already, that you hold out for a love like this.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

With Love,
Em